Is my codependency causing the drinking or the other way around?

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• sagebrush1147Aug 10, 2026Marked as the answer

  I went through almost the exact same thing with my ex. Looking back, the codependency came first for me, I was managing his anxiety since we were 19, and the drinking started as a way to tolerate a role I never agreed I wanted. Once I got into individual therapy separate from the relationship, my drinking dropped without me trying to quit it directly, because the underlying stress of managing someone else finally had somewhere else to go. I'd say don't wait to sort out which one caused which, treat both at once with a therapist who understands dual diagnosis work, and it becomes less confusing over time. If evenings without a drink feel physically rough and not just emotionally hard, that's worth mentioning to a doctor rather than pushing through it alone.

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• eastside_river04Aug 11, 2026

  For me it went the other direction honestly, I was already drinking before the relationship got codependent, and my partner's needs just gave me a convenient reason to keep doing it. I think the two questions matter separately even though they feel tangled together right now. I'd try tracking for 2 weeks how you feel on nights you don't check on him at all versus nights you do, and see if the urge to drink actually tracks with his moods or just with your own stress level.

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